I meet people at Carrot Group once a week. When I read various articles during a writing group, I feel that my thinking is narrow-minded. It's always refreshing to hear from someone with a different perspective.
It’s also fun to think about a ‘set topic’ other than what you want to write. I don't remember ever being told to "think about it" since I left school. It's probably because I'm so busy with life that I don't have time to meddle in other people's business. Even if you meddle for no reason, you will often get criticized.
Today’s writing topic is ‘What I Hate’. My manager, Sundae liver, and bustling department stores and clubs come to mind. If I were to list things I dislike, it would be endless. Today I will go inside myself.
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The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word ‘dislike’ is ‘being scolded.’
I was scolded because of a typo in the report. There are always typos no matter how many times I see them, and they are the same this time too. The manager sighs and, as if he didn’t feel the need to explain further, says, “Just leave.” I listen to that sigh and return to my seat. And then we take care of the rest.
It's scary to even think about it. Everyone hates being scolded, but it's especially bad for me. The aftereffects of being scolded last for 3 to 4 hours, and I still remember them even after I get home. There are many instances where I cannot sleep at night.
First of all, it is clear that I did something wrong, and the manager was not treated inhumanely, but the ‘sword of anger’ is always pointed at me. Criticism that no one else has made is directed at me, such as ‘Why did you only do that?’ or ‘You could have done it if you did it, but are you out of your mind?’
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The problem is next. Regardless of being scolded, the point is that it ‘isn’t getting better.’
It would be nice to get scolded and become a better person, but usually we end up making the same mistakes over and over again. As I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, I start to feel miserable about myself. ‘This is the moment when you brand yourself as a pathetic person.’ There is no solution there.
However, if you keep doing that, you will become dull and eventually collapse at some point.
If you sit down, it will last quite a long time. I feel extremely depressed and don't want to do anything. Even if you know you should stand up, you don't. I watch YouTube, watch shorts, or sleep. Until you reach your limit.
When you reach your limit, you are close to the threshold of death. When you think, ‘It would be better to die.’
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Fortunately, when such a situation arises, a helping hand does not leave me alone. This is because there is a butler who forces you to go out and get some fresh air.
The butler asks me to leave, so I pretend I can't resist and follow him. Getting some air brings me back to my senses and makes me realize that the situation is serious. And then something starts. That's why I've been writing a lot lately.
At first, I thought it was okay because of the writing. So I worked hard to write, but I don’t think it was the same. No matter how hard I write, I still feel depressed.
That was when I fell out of brunch. I feel infinitely depressed. I don't even know why it fell. The deacon spoke then. I'm telling you to try it 10 or 20 times.
Since my writing practice doesn't catch my typos, I'll probably get scolded again.
But it's okay. Because there is a butler.
Thanks for reading.
