“My ideal type is someone I can communicate well with. “Where can I meet someone like that?”
How would you answer if you were asked this question?
It is difficult to meet ‘someone with whom you can communicate well’. That's why we think of that person when we talk about our destined partner.
But if you think about it carefully, it's not that difficult. Because you already have the hang of it. Teacher Dale Carnegie summarized it well over 100 years ago. Through <Human Relations Theory>.
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This article will be helpful for everyone from those who have met their match made in heaven, to those who feel that their partner is not right for them, to those who are looking for their ideal partner. This is because the ‘concept of communicating well’ is similar to everyone.
When do we feel like we can communicate well?
This is when the other person understands what I want and gives me an appropriate answer.
For example, around 9 p.m., I was so hungry that I said “Chi~” to the butler, but as soon as the other person heard this, he responded, “Let’s order chicken with BHC sprinkles and 4 cheese sticks, and I’ll have Zero Coke.” The two would have a conversation. It's probably someone you can communicate well with.
In short, you can be happy if you meet someone like this. In other words, you can ‘feel love.’
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Now that you know the concept, the next question is. Where do you get people like this?
Do you like chicken? Are you going to visit chicken restaurants every night? (It's a reasonable approach.) If you prefer having dates at home rather than going out, how are you going to find someone like that? Would you like to ask them one by one? The point is that although there are many people who are like me, it is difficult to find them.
That's why people watch matchmaking and use dating apps. This is to find the right person for me. My parents also got married through matchmaking. You need to research matchmaking carefully. (Sigh.)
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Anyway, if you happen to meet someone like that, just treat them with respect. However, if you say no, you can try this.
Let's take basketball as an example. If I talk about the NBA and basketball player Kevin Durant, it will be difficult to understand. But please listen carefully. And, “Oh, Kevin Durant scored a pull-up jumper with four people on defense. You can add, “That’s amazing.” Even if the genre changes, the method is similar. (Of course, the more expressive the better.)
To put it more strictly, it is ‘organize what the other person said and return it along with the feelings the other person felt.’
It doesn't matter if I don't think so. Because the other person felt that way. That's a matter of taste. This is what it means to ‘communicate’, that is, to respect one’s tastes. It is not respect to leave something without knowing anything and not even trying to know. They're just not interested.
At this point, returning only the emotions is half the battle. It looks formal. It is meaningful to summarize and convey what the other person said. This is because true empathy requires a combination of head and heart.
Dale Carnegie introduced this in <Theory of Human Relations> with the anecdote of ‘a gentleman who had no interest in boats but was a good listener.’ The gentleman listened to the child’s conversation, and the child felt like the gentleman was his ‘soul mate’ who loved boats so much.
Does the expression ‘soul mate’ feel like an exaggeration?
I think not. If there is someone like me who can share the awesomeness of ‘Kevin Durant’, they will fall in love. In other words, I think ‘words make sense’.
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However, there is a big problem here. This effort must be made consciously. Also, the other person may not know this method. (If there is someone who does it naturally, you should definitely catch them.)
How many people would think with common sense and realize this specific empathy?
I have never met it. No, I met one. This is our butler.
No, the expression “met” is incorrect. Because the butler doesn’t even know who Kevin Durant is.
I explained the method to help the deacon learn how to empathize. The explanation is simple. ‘Show, not tell.’
The butler tells a story related to culture. (I am not interested in culture.) I listen carefully to what they say, then organize it and return it to them, adding at the end, “That was a great discovery.” (In practice, I will speak more fully.)
And when the conversation is over, I explain it to the butler. “The reason he feels empathized is because I summarized his story and gave him back his emotions.”
If I just do it, I may not be able to ‘feel like I can communicate’ with the other person for the rest of my life. So, you need to explain it. If you empathize properly, the other person will even accept your explanation.
And this process requires many repetitions. You shouldn't criticize me for saying something once. Even you, reading this, will find it difficult to do it all at once. I also practiced a lot. This means that patience is needed.
My butler couldn't understand why I cheered while watching the NBA. But now I know roughly what's fun.
A match made in heaven is a lottery.
For Lotto, we recommend savings.
Thanks for reading.
