Do you remember reading <What Do People Live By> written by Lev Tolstoy? This is the story of the angel Michael gaining enlightenment in the human world. It is said that ‘people live with love.’
But ironically, Tolstoy had a ‘failed marriage.’ He left home at an old age and died of pneumonia on the street. He became a great person by writing a book about love, but failed at marriage. I wrote <What Do People Live By>, but was marriage ‘crazy’?
Cases like this are common. A person who coached relationships and introduced himself as a sex columnist also failed in his marriage. Divorce is not a bad thing these days, but there is something that should not be overlooked. The thing is, no one gets married to get divorced.
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How would you define marriage? I would say that marriage is the most binding process that creates ‘my eternal side.’ On the other hand, if the other person is not on ‘my side’, the marriage will end. That means divorce.
Therefore, if you are reluctant to get married because you are afraid of divorce, it is inconsistent. It means that I don't want to die and I won't live. Divorce is a consequence. It cannot be a goal.
Marriage itself is not important. Marriage is literally a ‘process’. However, you need to think about your attitude toward marriage. This doesn't just apply to marriage. This is because marriage is only legally binding, and dating and family relationships follow similar principles. (I'm leaving out interpersonal relationships. If you read the whole thing, you'll know why.)
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As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to find the cause of the problem. And we keep looking for the reason why the cause occurred. It's verification.
If you divorced, what was the reason? (I'm leaving out cheating, crime, drinking, violence, and gambling.) Personality differences are probably the biggest factor. Even though I got married, it was different from what I thought. It also makes sense to say that the other person did not meet your expectations and that there is no point in trying.
It can also be expressed as ‘love has cooled’. If they had gotten married, they would have loved each other very much. Contract marriages only exist in dramas. The point is that they loved each other, but they cooled off, and the result was divorce.
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So, ‘What made your love cool down?’ Why do divorced people not all solve the problem?
It's definitely not because you're incompetent or emotional. Rather, it was rational. I came to the ‘final conclusion’ that the other person could not meet my expectations and put it into action. It means that you made a rational choice.
However, the parties inevitably suffer ‘hurt’ during the divorce process. People who are having fun while getting divorced probably didn't have love as their goal in the first place.
The result is that love has cooled. In other words, there is a reason why love cooled off. In other words, if you had kept your love from cooling off, you could have avoided getting divorced and getting hurt.
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The way to prevent love from cooling off is simple. All you have to do is know what the other person wants and do it. You have to do what the other person wants, not what you want. You shouldn’t say, ‘I’m not good at that easy thing.’ If you can keep doing that easy thing, you'll be able to have a marriage-level relationship with everyone.
The reason it is difficult is also simple. Because it requires sincerity. If you ask someone, ‘What do you want to eat?’, what will that person answer? Nine times out of ten, they will say ‘anything.’ If you go out to eat crab just because you like soy sauce crab, the other person will definitely be offended. It's crazy.
“It means you shouldn’t really do anything just because someone asks you to do it.”
That person may not be able to express it, but you have to find what he or she wants in his or her heart and give it to him or her. Because that's what the other person truly wants.
Since I can't express it, you have to observe. It must also go through verification. And you should try it and see the reaction. You have to create your own error notes. If you don't like it, divorce is a reasonable option.
I decided to dig just one well. I decided on someone who would always be by my side when I was sick and with whom I could share my pain. The rest is beyond my ability.
There may be a knack for love, but it only reduces the workload from 100 to 95. The rest is handmade.
But it's okay. Craftsmen don’t put effort into making crafts for nothing. I'm sure something will come back to you.
Thanks for reading.
